What is love?

Not just a Haddaway song. But what is it really? Perhaps the dictionary has the meaning of the word but not the meaning of it's true identity. Love is the only thing that can never be explained. Perhaps this is why it's a greater mystery than god himself. Perhaps this is the only piece of our existence that can never be changed. To love someone is the ultimate point of existence. When you loose someone a piece of yourself is lost. Learning to love isn't easy nor is it very hard. We are hard wired to feel emotions. There's a purpose for this that no one can explain. I find myself on a tall wall. I can't see the bottom of this wall. I can only feel which way to fall. I hold in myself a conflict. A battle of wants and desires and needs and everything else.  There's always been this part of me that's too selfish to uncaring too stubborn to do anything. There is another part that becomes to caring, to complacent overly swayed into things.

I'm either a puppet of a sick game or some guy who can't think about anything more about my needs. I'm in a slightly sullen mood. 

Words of wisdom? I have none. Words of advice? I'm all out. Words of comfort? Just empty lines to another lack luster play. I just type here wondering If my mind or my feelings are right? I wish I had more control over things in my life. Perhaps I do and I just need to look into finding that inner strength we all have and going for it. 

Perhaps i'm just a guy with everything to loose and nothing to gain. Maybe I'm just settled into some pit I can't find a way out of. Weither it's depression, apathy or I'm truly lost in my own head.

Come to think of it I do tend to dwell on the problem longer than trying to find a solution. I shall skip the issue and just correct it? Perhaps this it hat it means to take the bull by the horns. I need to be more actively involved in my own life. Or more simplely just open my eyes and see beyond my own thoughts. 

I do love. Without question or doubt I do know this. I just do not know why that when I find it I hold onto and think will always be there no matter what. I neglect what I have. I keep forgeting the words I love to speak. Love is a two-way street. It always is in the begining. Then it become one way. With my minor handling of clean up and trying to cover the pot holes every now and then. 

For once there is something more important than myself. I can almost believe the fact as it stares me to my soul. I want to give more than I have. Without feeling or thinking too much about it. I just have to get things done.

I have loved and lost a few times. And I'm tired of learning how to lend my heart out over and over again. I'm a guy with simple likes and dislikes. I may be over zealous at times about certain things I know.  I just don't want to have to learn again. Loose my las thread to the happy part of myself. I want to be happy I want my family. I want myself back.