The end of freedom... (sort of)

I start me new JOB in the AM! It's a sweet number out in Newton. Mailclerk/Database Expert. Sort of a dual job, but easy either way. Bad news MGH kept shoving me aside and telling me to wait. So I moved on to bigger and better. I think I'll win in the long run. Pay is sweet, and with eh benifits I'm all set.

Started looking @ places to MOVE to with P. It's a starting process for me to truely get on track. I own P for so much she's had my back through all this and I can only see myself happier with her as time goes on.

Word of the Day: God is with me. He said so!

As I was semi-dragged to Church for Palm Sunday Session. I wasn't all up for the coming BU Mass. For it was a new place to go, and whenever I go to a new place I get my anxiety kicked in. But I managed very well and as I prayed for the strength to hold on to what I now have something spoke back to me. Within me it spoke to me. Told me not to worry for all I need is within "me" and myself.

Although this "voice" seemed calming it still confused me. As I sit here now hours later I'm still in partial awe of the concept of God talking to me. I always thought I'd have a tumor at some point. But perhaps my final leap of faith is through these next few months. Having my faith within myself is a start to finding my ways.

Praise me to God.

A moment of what...?

Ok tonight I was to sleep in early but got sidetracked as I turn off this machine of mine. I saw a nickname I have not seen in a little over a year. Perhaps 2 years or so. Needless to say it was not someone I'd ever catch on-line again. So I msged them. The response was expected but the following conversation will keep my will strong for I was able to correct a wrong in my past. I clear up my whole past with just one chat with this person. It's a long story involving a prior job and many odd runins with this person. Although my thoughts are now pressed behind me I can't help wonder "what if". As my mind reels in utted stupification I find myself more at peace with were I'm at now. Dreams are the reality in which I thrive and my mind set high in the heavens. I know no bounds upon which to place myself, but am held in place by the love that's easy to see.

As my troubled mind settled down through the conversation I noticed memories of that horrid day I spent upon the phone spilling evil words within thier ear of my hatred for myself and Tina. I complain to myself as the "what if"s stroll by like sign on a barren highway in my mind. I left the chat on a pleasing thought of a friend raised form the depths of my dispair and forgiveness was blessed upon my screen in a simple. "It's ok, I know the feeling of an unhappy heart and soul."

Word of the Day: Confused, but why?

I'm looking foward to the new JOB on thursday. Being back in a lab will be sweeter than I can remember it. I've plans now to further life as a whole. And decided to focus on training myself to rush headlong into the faceing issues at hand. I've been alone, mentaly at least, throughout most of my plans. I can thank very few people for pushing me, or rather kicking my ass into doing something that had to be done. I'm hopeing to catch some rest soon as my mind stops spinning in la la land and my heart slows down from the freightened beats it's placed within me.

Gaming:
The simple pleasure of this leisure activity has gotten me again into some odd thoughts. Perhaps my life as a gamer is drawing to a close as work and school shall reign supreme in life for a while to come. I'll find time to sqeeze into some on-line death time though. I can't deny the soothing feeling I get as I play. My meditation and self medication. Frag you all suckas!