9 was it...

Ok, big update. I picked up P a surprise for her return. Also started receiving good call backs on my resume, that I have thrusted so evilly out onto the market. Have a fairly busy weekend planned. I hope things move along smoothly. Going to meet up with Lyle to make up for my cancellation Tuesday. Due to my father's illness. He should get better, up to him really.

Word of the Day: errr

Not a single thought is stable enough to form in my weary head. I should head to bed, but I've decided not to. No sleep for me tonight. Nee a night to stay up and die out all the thoughts in my skull. P wants me to rest. I'm not going to be able to listen this time hun sorry.

Other news:
I've decided to just push for my goals and get life fully focused on furthering myself. Although 90% of my time is geared to thins I've decided to allow the rest of me do this. I've pushed other needs aside. There's no room for pining over things one has no direct control over. I've pushed feelings aside and I'll see where things go from here. What's to feel anywho?

I think I've lost my will to game or something. It's not as... Enjoyable as it once was. I'm looking to other outlets to cure my time wasting. I can wait things out sure, but damn sometimes it's just plain boring. Least I've gotten some ideas about that BIG catch I've always wondered about with P and I. Perhaps I'll relay them sometime. Not now... head isn't functional.

 

2 weeks...

My job search goes insanely well. After meeting with a number of people and having my resume completely reworked. I can truely pour myself out onto the job market. I've made some calls during the week and have sent out my resume in the mail, also sent out me new resume via e-mail and fax on friday. I'm a man on a mission.

Thoughts for the day:

I miss P and although her and I have chatted on-line a few times. We both have considerable love and caring for each other. We've also made some profound decisions which will greatly increase our odds of staying together. A day at a time and working with each moment we have together.

Word of the Day: rested

I've been sticking to my plans as I've laid them out and continue to prove to myself I'm a better person for all that I've done. I've kept Tina at arms length as our friendship seems to only increase her desire for me. I'm building her a computer and I've been very professional about it. I've stayed commited to P and I'm proud of that. I know she's concerned but I've stuck to my bond to her.

18 %&*$ing days...

OK I typed out a nice perfect post and tried to publish it and my net fucked up on me! I'm going to look into purchesing a new Router with more ports and see if that helps. If not then I will call ComRetardCast and have them AGAIN replace the modem for this one is just a POS like the old SharkFin thing.
 
Word of the Day: PISSED!
 
God woulc strike me down right now and I wouldn't give 2 Holy Shits about the WHOLE damned Idea. Not like anyone have a fucking worry or care for me at this point. God you set a plan in motion and it's always the shit out of your control that fucks your shit up.
 
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
 
And now back to the real world. Fuck this shit!

It's 21 days...

My
room has become a refrigerator. Cold and keeping me alive longer. My
little surgery was a success. Although I lost the sense of smell for a
little while and the damned thing is tender to the touch. I still
manage through it.



Been gaming and watching TV so far this weekend. Nothing too much fun.
Spoke to P thrisday night. It was a Godsend to hear her voice agian.
Reminds me of all the reasons I fell in love with her. I miss her very
much, but I know she'll be back soon enough.



Word of the Day: cold



I've enlisted a number of people to help me get full time work and
insurance. It's practically in the bag at this point. A few good
interviews and waiting for the offers to come a calling. I know P is
being a supportive as ever. Even the EX is happy to see me changing my
life around.



Am or was?? Supposed to see a movie with Lyle at some point either
tonight or tomorrow. We'll see how that goes. It'd be kool to get out
of here for a while and watch something mindless and funny. I want to
party or something. Go and have fun and do something random and crazy.
I should call Gris and have her send me tickets for next weekend. Go
hang with them or something.

On the 23rd day...

It's odd how I seem to be waiting so easily. I'm not as frantic as I once was. I've gone insane a few times, but now I'm finding my sanity in a giant rush to find my new JOB. Also got some clues on getting myself some medical insurance. A few steps at a time at this point.

My love for P is firm and solid. Her love for me seems to be the same. So... My brain is just trying to play tricks on me which isn't too fun. I'll get over and past all of it. I know I'm better than all that.

Word of the day: lethargic

I didn't want to wake up today. Had a great chat with Tina on the phone last night. She regaled me of her trips and tale of the crazy morning commuters within the NYC transit system. I'll be honest about her. We make better friends than lovers. Our relationship isn't so extreme as it was while we together. But out lives are now separate and we have plenty of space. I'm happy to still have her in my life. And this friendship thing is kool.

Want to thank rubs for being sweet and befriending me. It's all too good to have wondrous and caring people around oneself. I'll keep my mind set on a positive note best I can.

T minus 26...

Otherwise known as Monday the 12th of July. I didn't find myself going to work due to a crazy sinus headache. After a few drugs and a lengthy nap I woke up in no better shape then I did before the rest. Although the shower seemed to help open up the old nasal passage. Well that and a legate play with the cat. I love her to death but I'm still quite allergic to her. I should thank her for accommodating me. She's not too friendly but she'll take attention.

Ok I spent the day half dead and spent the weekend partially productive. I spent a semi-bundle on clothing. Needed to upgrade my tops. Plain as they may be, the boss, will no longer have a grudge against my aging band t-shirts.

Work of the day: blah

I haven't gone mad without P. Nor have I gone stupid either. I have a plan in my head. And for once I'm going to stick with it. I'm going to make a self commitment. I know if I fail this one I'm screwed. Ms. Lee spoke of keeping to what I say. I think I better. I don't plan to fail anything else in life.

Ok what the FUCK!?
OK A live action version of the Thunderbirds is coming out?? Whose "bright" idea was it to take a string lead puppet kids show from back in the day and turn it into some computer generated live actions movie? For the love of God not everything looks good Computer Generated.

Another thing I love the new DQ Commercial with the taste tester running into the window. ROFL! That's classic!

29 days...

It's about 29 days until P returns. I haven't done much of anything but game for the past week and work. Been trying to be productive but the old noggin' hasn't been cooperative. I guess it's all a matter of waiting on my part. Relax and take life slow.

I've got my list of openings at MIT from my contact there. It's sweet. I'm going to take the weekend to weed through it and find the jobs I can do best. I want something fun and educational.

Word of the day: lonely

I guess being left to my own devices isn't a total waste the gaming helps keep the thtoughts from wondering. And as promised I'm not staring at the ceiling for any reason other then trying to get to sleep. It's actually pretty boring. I work and game that's about it. But next week it'll be different. I'll get off my ass and do something productive. I might go out with Maria and get trashed tonight. She offered and why not. I'll see how I feel when the day closes.

Forgot my vitamin this morning I wonder how it'll affect me today. I miss P being around. I guess this will progress as time goes. The ability to live "alone".

Day 1: The Airport...

I brought P to the airport today. Her trip home starts today. It'll be 32 days until I can see, hold, smell and kiss her again. I thought tears would fill our goodbyes. But we managed a quiet and sweet send off. I watched her as she walked to the security gates and drifted out of view. I saved my loss for a private moment at home.

A test...
I look at the next month or so as a test of P and my own love. I will do everything I can to keep things the way they are as she's gone. Perhaps better them if I can for myself. As my body sits and types my heart is aboard a plane thousands of feet in the air. Closer to God perhaps. But never an inch from her hand. I suppose this day isn't a total loss for us. We both understood she'd be going. Perhaps it just came too fast for us. So much in such short time. Ms. Lee, my 5th grade teacher, spoke of her leaving as a test for us and see what really matters to the both of us. I will look upon it as so.

Word of the day: empty

As much as I wanted to cry. Nothing poured from my eyes at all today. Just a moment of saddened memories. I'll keep to my schedule at work and continue my hunt for better work. Outlook still seems good. As I mentioned before just a matter of time. I will take this time and work with it carefully. Build myself as a person and work on life.

Saw Spiderman 2 on Friday with Lyle and P. Was pretty cool. Ate at some place downtown that I couldn't eat at. The food sucked. The company was good though. I'd like more time to hang with Lyle and befriend him. Perhaps time can be spent doing just that. I'm hoping to take him out for his b-day at least have a guys night out or something. Who knows.

I'll be counting down the days. Updating as I can. All can post now. Not worried about the EX going all evil on here. Feel free to comment a go-go again.

Time and again...

I think I've realized the catch to all this happiness. P said it herself. Her work. As much as she'd like to get out of there and as selfish as I feel for wanting all my time to be with her. Love can't pay the bills. I just pray she can hold out and work through these struggling times. I just wish we had more time. I suppose when she returns from her visit back home she'll be swamped again by the evil BOSS-PEOPLE.

She speaks of me being the root to her sanity and the only reason not fleeing back home. I'm only doing m best to keep her happy. I'm hoping this weekend will pan out to be some quality time before she leaves me for a month. I'll prolly take the time to read and relax myself. Really take the alone time to work more on myself.

Word of the Day: hope

Quick little update about the EX-GF. Now on civil e-mailing terms. Friendship is best we can hope for after 8 years. P is happy for me on this point. I can't be happier than I am now and I'm not looking to rejoin my former love. But I can at least have a friendly chat about old times.

WORK update:
Things are panning out in my quest for FULL TIME positions at a school. MIT has shown and interest and set up an appointment for 2 weeks from tomorrow. Life moves on!Everything seems on the right track. Miss P sometimes. But I respect her independence and need to get her stuff done. I said we have all the time in the world. We do but I can only hope she can wait things out. I know I can. I'll be waiting for my dear to return to me. I'll make smiles for her.